Speaking Needs, Setting Boundaries and Being Heard.

Perimenopause can be a powerful catalyst for reclaiming your voice — not just in a metaphorical sense, but in a very real and embodied way. Hormonal shifts, life reflection, and years of accumulated experience often come together to highlight what we’re no longer willing to tolerate. Many of us begin to feel a stronger urge to speak up, to get clearer about our needs, and to let go of people-pleasing patterns that once felt necessary.

For me, perimenopause brought plenty of challenges. I can see now how I was calling in experiences to help me find my voice and reclaim my sovereignty. My body started speaking louder — especially when boundaries were crossed. I’d feel shaky, overheated, a tight knot in my stomach… sometimes even nauseous, with a deep urge to scream. I used to dismiss those feelings, thinking I was just being ‘too sensitive’, anxious or overtired. But eventually, I realised this was my body’s wisdom. It wasn’t whispering — it was shouting. It was telling me: enough!
So I listened.
And I spoke.

Jane Hardwicke Collings speaks about the veil that lifts in perimenopause. She calls oestrogen the “hormone of accommodation” — the one that helps us put others first, smoothing things over, staying agreeable. But as it fades, so does that veil. As she puts it, “...there can, for perhaps the first time in her life, be a reorientation to self.” 
(Source: https://janehardwickecollings.com/my-vision-for-menopause/)

That line really hit home for me. I'd spent so many years tuning in to what everyone else needed, always prioritising others over myself. But gradually, over time, it became harder to keep overriding my own needs. The old pattern of accommodating everyone around me started to crack — and it wasn’t something that happened overnight. It was a slow, often uncomfortable process of unlearning habits that had been ingrained for years. I still catch myself slipping back into those patterns at times, but now I’m more aware and less willing to dismiss myself. It’s a constant practice, not always easy, but definitely necessary.

In the chakra system, there’s a deep connection between the sacral chakra (Svadhisthana) and the throat chakra (Vishuddhi). The sacral is all about emotion, creativity, and sensuality — while the throat is where we give those things a voice. When these two centres are in harmony, we can express what we feel more clearly and honestly. During perimenopause, many women feel this link come alive again. It can feel raw, urgent, and powerful — like something inside has been waiting years, perhaps decades, to be spoken.
As progesterone levels drop during perimenopause, many women experience increased emotional sensitivity or anxiety. According to Sarah, The Perimenopause Naturopath, progesterone helps us stay calm and grounded, so when it decreases, we may feel more overwhelmed and reactive. This hormonal shift can also bring up long-buried emotions, making it harder to establish clear boundaries and stand firm in our needs.
Sarah, the Perimenopause Naturopath

Patterns That Often Emerge:

• Saying “no” more — or wanting to, but finding it hard.
• Feeling irritated or rageful when someone crosses your boundary.
• Getting emotional when you’re not heard or acknowledged.
• Craving more quiet, space, or time alone to reflect.

The Messy Middle
Taking up space can feel unfamiliar at first. Many of us have been taught — subtly or directly — that it’s more ‘acceptable’ to be accommodating and agreeable. So when we start showing up differently, it can bring discomfort, even guilt. We might worry we’re being “too much” or “not nice.” But this is where relationships start to shift. Because we’re not just reacting — we’re rooting into our truth. And that changes things.

Setting Boundaries with Clarity and Care
Therapist and boundary expert Terri Cole reminds us that healthy boundaries are not walls to shut others out — they’re bridges to more honest, respectful connection. She encourages women to tune into the “boundary blueprint” they inherited from family, culture, or early relationships — and to update it when it no longer serves. A helpful phrase she offers is: “That doesn’t work for me.” Simple, clear, and powerful. When you start small — and practice saying what does or doesn’t work for you — your nervous system begins to feel safer in your own self-expression.
Terri Cole

Practices to Support Your Voice:

• Journaling or talking out loud (to yourself or someone safe).
• Breath and sound practices from yoga — like humming bee breath, roaring lion, mantra chanting or kirtan.
• Writing scripts or simple sentence starters for setting boundaries.

Your Voice Is Sacred
Learning to speak your truth — to stand in your own power — isn’t about losing control. It’s about coming home. Yes, it might feel chaotic at times. The hormones, the emotions, the shifts in relationships... it can be a lot.
But if we let ourselves see this as a rite of passage, it becomes a sacred homecoming.
A return to your deepest self.

Closing Reflection
If you’re in this phase and feeling a bit unsure or lost, take a few moments with your journal.
Ask yourself:

What am I no longer willing to tolerate?
What truth have I been whispering that wants to be spoken out loud?

Let your pen say what your body already knows.

I'd love to hear about your experiences with finding your voice during perimenopause. How have you navigated the shift in setting boundaries and speaking your truth? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments or reach out to me directly — let's support each other in this journey.

This month I officially entered postmenopause. But what does that even mean?  Many people aren't really sure.

Menopause is a single day—the final menstrual bleed—and is only diagnosable after one full year without a period. Everything that comes after that is postmenopause. And the years leading up to it? That’s perimenopause, a time of hormonal fluctuation where things can feel pretty topsy turvy.  

In Australia, menopause typically occurs around the age of 51 or 52. Perimenopause often begins in a woman's 40s and generally lasts between four and six years, though for some, it may be as short as a year or extend up to a decade.
(Source: Jean Hailes for Women's Health - https://www.jeanhailes.org.au/resources/perimenopause-fact-sheet)

I'm breathing a sigh of relief knowing that perimenopause is now behind me. It feels like a milestone. Some symptoms linger, but I sense a real shift, like the hardest part of this journey is done. The fog is clearing, the emotional rollercoaster has slowed, and I feel more capable again. More me.

That’s not to say the road here was easy. Looking back, one of the most unexpected challenges was anxiety.  My heart would race, my mind scatter, and my hands would even shake. It was as if I'd overdosed on caffeine but without drinking any coffee.  Many people who have experienced anxiety will know exactly what I mean.  Thankfully, this has now resolved. My perimenopausal symptoms seemed to peak last year and then gradually recede, like a tidal wave crashing onto the rocks and then subsiding. Phew!  And yihah! 

The burning anger that used to flare up during that time has also simmered. I now feel my anger as a signpost. It's usually my body talking to me about boundaries.  Like "Hello!  That's not okay!" My anger is less reactive and more informative.  It rarely spills over now like it did in perimenopause.

I've also noticed, more recently, that I care much less about what people think of me.  This is incredibly liberating! I feel more free to be myself. For most of my life, I tiptoed around people’s feelings, making sure I didn’t upset anyone. But let’s be real—that kind of people pleasing comes back to bite you. And now, I'm starting to live the wisdom of learning that lesson. Call me 'selfish' if you like.  Quite frankly, I don't give a damn!  It's one of the surprising gifts of menopause — learning to step into our power, unapologetically.

Perimenopause for me started at around age 46. I noticed my period becoming less regular. Just a little late at first—a few days, a week, a few weeks. Then maybe a month. Then I thought they had stopped altogether after nothing for three months, only to have them return unexpectedly. Some of my girlfriends had warned me this would happen. It's different, of course, for every woman.

While changes in menstrual cycles are often the first sign, perimenopause can also bring other symptoms, such as hot flushes, night sweats, sleep disturbances, mood changes, and brain fog. These hormonal shifts vary greatly between women.
(Source: Australian Menopause Society https://www.menopause.org.au/images/stories/infosheets/docs/AMS_What_is_menopause.pdf​)

My life changed a lot during perimenopause. I moved states twice–from Victoria to ACT and then finally NSW–moving house five times along the way. I started a new part time job.  My relationship ended, and I became a single mother. My daughter started school. I completed a business course and began building my yoga and wellness business in a brand new town.  

I recall when we first moved into the Mid North Coast region and I started a new part time job in a busy medical practice. After at least 10 years of working for myself, suddenly I was attempting to learn a lot of new things. This was where I really noticed the brain fog. It was off the charts. This fog was one of the hardest aspects of perimenopause. I’d often feel like I was wading through mud, trying to make my brain function.  I had to be shown how to do things again and again.  It was both frustrating and embarrassing. I was usually very capable but now I found myself pleading with my brain to work. While it’s not as intense as it was, this symptom hasn’t completely lifted. I still have to work harder to stay organised, and I’ve learned to tackle anything important in the morning when my brain is at its best.

A friend recently shared with me that when she started forgetting the names of everyday things—like washing line and couch—she didn't tell anyone for a year because she was worried it might be dementia! It’s so strange how something as common as menopause still feels like such a mystery. Even though we're talking about it more openly in the media, it’s surprising how many of us still don’t know what to expect.

Like me, many women have been caught off guard by perimenopause. I want to share my experience because I believe the more we talk about it, the more we can support each other through this huge transition. I feel like I've been bobbing up and down in the waves of perimenopause for so long, not really sure if there was dry land on the other side to clamber onto. But there was! And I did! The water is now starting to drip dry, and I'm beginning to make sense of the question "What the hell was that?”. I now feel that it's only right to put out a rope to other women still in that choppy sea. To say 'Hey, over here!' and to reassure them that it really does get better!  

Now, as I step into postmenopause, I’m diving deeper by studying Menopause Yoga and continuing to learn about this powerful transition. Let’s demystify it together. If you’ve experienced perimenopause or are navigating it now, I’d love to hear from you—please share your thoughts in the comments. And join me in future posts as we explore and learn together.